


The Sunshine Series

by broken_hearted_bard



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Character Death, Drabble, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 20:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1199394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_hearted_bard/pseuds/broken_hearted_bard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble series about Lilah/Wesley, Fred/Wesley and Illyria/Wesley - as separate couples.<br/>Follows the series, but veers off into AU.<br/>Is a series of song-fics kind of as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Take the Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The series was created by Joss Whedon, in collaboration with David Greenwalt and was produced by Whedon's production company, Mutant Enemy. Jeffrey Bell became executive producer for season 5, and writer David Fury joined the staff as executive producer for the final season.  
> I am not making any money and am merely playing with the characters. My own work is merely my interpretation of the ATS plots and characters.

Summary: You are my sunshine; Wesley listens to it a lot now.  
 **Don't Take the Sunshine**

He listens to this song all the time now. The irony is, he never liked it before. In point of fact, he found this song irritating before she sang it; before the blood spurted out her mouth and ran down her throat like a waterfall. He hated it.

Wesley gently lifts up the needle and waits as the record spins around. He puts the needle back down very slowly, very carefully. He pours himself another drink and sits down in his favorite chair. As he faces the window and watches the day come to life, the music starts to play again. _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...you make me happy..._

_Nothing is really his favorite anymore. Not since the sunshine died._

TBC


	2. Fresh Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being with her was like fresh air...

**Fresh Air**

He had waited what felt like an eternity to be with her, to kiss her, to hold her, to breathe her in. Being with her had been like standing near the edge of a cliff - exhilarating, wonderful, frightening and free all at the same time. Kissing her had been like breathing. Every moment spent in her arms had felt like forever.

The pictures he had of her were pressed with oil, now, creased at the edges and even the air was starting to turn them a little yellow. He hated the air now. Hated the waft of a breeze and the lack of her in the very air. His pillows had stopped smelling of her hair days ago.

He longed for her, in the dead of night and the wee hours of the morning. He longed for her like a starving man craved food. He missed her as if he'd lost a limb. It felt like dying, every day. Her presence had filled his life, his lungs, his heart and blood. Her very existence had been the sun. He was always cold now.

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...It's not warm when she's away...Ain't no sunshine when she's gone..._

TBC...


	3. Remembering Lilah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembers his time with Lilah fondly now...

**Remembering Lilah**

He remembers his time with Lilah fondly now, as though it wasn't abberant of his nature. As though the relationship they had was fond, friendly and caring as opposed to bleak and dishonest. 

Lilah had been his darkest place, his darkest hour and yet still, somehow, he'd managed to hold on to Fred. _Winifred_. He can barely say her name, let alone think it. He should have done something more, been something more, to stop the monster from clawing out her insides.

Wesley winces as the thoughts run together in his mind. He remembers cutting off Lilah's head, and it is these memories that are somehow superimposed over his memories of Fred's shiny hair, pale lips and wide, kind eyes. 

He took Fred for a Milkshake once. It had been fun, carefree...like hope and glory and childhood. Innocent and caring. He hadn't taken anything from Lilah at all. She had offered, towards the end. He hadn't wanted anything she could give.

He stares out through the window in his office and, for a brief moment, contemplates jumping from the ledge just outside.

_I took a chance and changed your way of life...losing everything is like the sun going down on me..._

 

TBC...


	4. It's Still Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things start to change for Wesley regarding Illyria

Although he is devastated by the way Illyria can change, can lie to him, his feelings toward her begin to change the moment she speaks in Fred's voice.

He feels the light filling up his chest and presses a hand to the ache. The light makes his eyes and heart hurt, so he shies away from it, barking at Illyria not to lie to him anymore. When she obeys, he is astonished. He sees now like he never had before - she can see, smell, his grief and for some unknown reason does not wish to cause him additional pain.

He makes a list for her of appropriate human phrases and things about this world she needs to know. She stares at the mechanical wonder of the pen like it's a demon. He chuckles lightly when she shrinks back as he holds out the note. He looks around the room at the sound, terrified that someone else is watching them. When she takes the paper and hurries away, he realizes it was him - he chuckled.

Awe dawns in his brain before the feeling of it reaches up and strangles him. For several moments, he can't breathe. He looks at the empty spot where Illyria had been standing and his face breaks out into a small smile. The room feels warm for the first time in weeks.

_You come too close, and all is burning...Here it comes, here it comes, it’s still warm..._

 

TBC...


	5. Time to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley tells Illyria things he won't tell anyone else

After lying to his friends, his family, about his feelings for Illyria and Illyria's powers, Wesley begins confiding in her. It seems to perk her up, give her hope or purpose or something he can't name but which is a positive feeling.

He tells her things about his relationship with Angel, how it all seems superficial to him. He tells her how he feels about working at Wolfram and Hart, how it seems suspect, now that Fred is gone. He tells her about Fred. He feels like he's betraying his wide-eyed girl, his Fred, but he tells her anyway. She is made up, still, of parts of Fred. If anyone besides him has a right to his memories of Fred, certainly it's Illyria.

He takes her home to his apartment. She's got no where else to go and they are done testing her. Her powers are not as great as they once were, and she is - perhaps for the first time in her existence - tired.

She asks him carefully if he'd like to be lied to tonight. For the first time, he doesn't feel angry. He just says yes. As she morphs into Fred's likeness, he holds her. He holds her like she is Fred, but in his mind he knows the difference. Her cold, Illyria-skin rests against his body and for a moment he feels ashamed that he reacts to her the same way he did to Fred. In his heart, he feels relief.

_Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting, Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear...  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun..._

 

TBC...


	6. Deep Below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't think anything could or would surprise him again, in any way.

The memories still weigh on him and he can't figure out how to apologize for things he had forgotten - for things that don't seem real. He returns to the bottom of a thick glass bottle for a few days before Illyria begins to pull at him about taking a shower and getting to work.

Wesley runs his hands over his gruff, tired face. He can't understand what's happening to him. These memories rob him of a life he thought he had, and they take away the serene peace he was just beginning to get to.

He takes a shower and heads back to work. What more can he do, at this point, but work? 

When he's alerted that Fred's parents have arrived, he panics. Panics so thoroughly that it takes him almost five full minutes to process what's happening. Why is Illyria helping? 

He sees Fred's face and for a moment forgets that she's dead. He keeps it together long enough to get the Burkle's and "Fred" to a private room for their reunion. He's eternally grateful he didn't call them to tell them she was dead. He is very glad Spike and Angel are out of town, having to explain this to them would give the state of his relationship with Illyria away.

That night, after it's all over, Illyria stays up into the dawn hours with him. They sit close and talk about the day, like a normal couple. Wesley thanks her for her performance and she gives him a genuine smile.

The darkness of what he is about to commit himself to occurs to him, but he shakes off the feelings of betrayal. Illyria is here. Fred is gone; dead and deep below.

_Cause now again I've found myself....So far down, away from the sun_

 

TBC...


	7. The Warming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley and Illyria have sex for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: R, perhaps NC 17.  
> Warning: Um...sex?

The first time he slides into that mixture of freezing-cold blue and tight, wet heat, he is astounded that anyone can hold two disparate feelings such as these in one space. She makes noises he wasn't aware she could make, sounds he's certain he's never heard before and sighs that make him tingle from his toes to the tip of his cock while he's inside her.

Their coupling lasts for more than an hour, partially due to the fact that she's never done it before. This particular ritual is unknown to her, the very idea of it is foreign. He thinks he should feel ashamed, or disgusted, or perhaps just uncomfortable with the fact that he is fucking her in her normal state; blue and cold and Illyria-bodied. She had offered to lie to him again, but he didn't want that. This time, their first time, he wanted her. It surprised him, probably as much as it surprised her - if not more.

Her blue, hard skin was clean and sweet under his tongue. Her bright, piercing blue eyes widened at the feelings he was sending through her body with his caresses. Her long fingers clenched and sharp blue fingernails scraped down his black, drawing blood, as he brought her to climax. He didn't care - he yearned for the pain and pleasure that being with her like this gave him too often to keep denying it; or to deny himself her body.

When he went with her, his orgasm bursting forth and into her with a violent speed that left him half blind, he was content for the first time in a long time.

_I want to dive into your ocean ....is it raining with you?_

TBC...


	8. Not Fade From Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight AU of not fade away; Mentions Character Death.

He asks her not to be Fred outside of their home and she doesn't listen. Although it makes him angry, he doesn't press the point. The final battle is drawing near, and he needs her now more than he has ever needed her before.

They steal moments behind the blinds in his office to talk quietly and fuck quickly. They take even longer amounts of time as the days count down. He fucks her across his desk like his life depends on it. He is surprised, later, when he finds he's left bruises on the insides of her wrists. She isn't supposed to be breakable. She quips that he was, in fact, more than a little rough and she is spending a lot of her energy fighting the good fight now.

She joins in on training and battle strategy sessions alongside Angel and Spike. Spike approaches him the next day and confronts him. He's noticed the new way Illyria smells, noticed her lack-of-smell on Wesley, and he's concerned. Wesley understands, but explains that this is what he needs right now. He can't cope without her, not now. Spike backs off and Wesley breathes a sigh of relief.

Later, when he's tending her wounds he tells her he loves her. She scoffs at him, reminding him that she's a replacement for the Winifred girl. He rolls his eyes, but doesn't argue. She tells him if he dies tonight, she'll mourn. He smiles gently.

Much later, on the floor of Vail's house, Illyria lies to him one final time and he is grateful. Seeing Fred as he bleeds out all over the floor gives him a kind of hope he can't begin to describe.

_Black hole sun, Won't you come, And wash away the rain_

 

TBC...


	9. All Is Not Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after Not Fade Away. Does not in any way, shape or form, follow the comics.  
> Illyria's POV.

Illyria spends the next few years after Wesley's death wishing she was more human, wishing she understood the spectrum of human emotion better. He had claimed to love her, but surely he was lying. She sometimes wished, however, that she could have understood why he said it.

Her grief over his death was frightening to her, strange and unfamiliar. She had grieved only once before- for the loss of her kingdom, her throne, her army. This was different. This tasted like ashes in her mouth and no matter how much water she imbibed, she couldn't get the taste of blood and ashes to go away.

She pulls a thick blanket around her shoulders. Although she is always cold, the winters here are the sharpest she's ever known and the winds blow through her body like shards of ice.

She was grateful Spike and Angel had survived. Grateful that the Willow girl had descended upon them as they faced the demons, vampires and dragons in a cloud of white light. Without Willow, they would have failed - and they would be nothing more than food for worms and bones turning to dust in the cold ground. Illyria, for all she complained about this world, liked being alive.

She missed Wesley as though she had lost a part of herself. She didn't understand it, and hated to wallow in it as she was wallowing now. 

She turned the music up on the little radio Spike had gotten her. She lived with him for now, she wasn't quite ready to make her way in the world on her own.

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone..._ croons out of the radio as she closes her eyes and recalls, for the thousandth time, her memories of Wesley's hands.

 

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Beta:  
> livejournal use deandratb


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